Out of Scene
by TheRealKira
Summary: Karkat is trying to make it big as an actor, when his manager tells him that sometimes the casting director will give you the part if you give him your virginity, Karkat jumps at the chance...only, he didn't expect to start falling in love with Sollux
1. Chapter 1

"Yeah, KK, you can star in this movie." The casting director says as he pulls you closer. You rest your head on his chest and feel momentarily guilty that you just bribed the casting director with sex. Well, maybe you should blame your high off his ass manager Gamzee. He was the one who told you that sex was the only way to get anywhere in this business was with sex and drugs.

Gamzee had also told you that Sollux, the casting director, loved male virgins so guess who just lost his virginity to star in a movie! That's right, it was you! Whoo hoo! God, if this movie didn't make you big, you were seriously going to kill yourself…okay, well maybe not kill yourself, but you'll be pretty pissed off. Like really, you didn't care that you just lost your virginity, you didn't really give a shit about it, you just were kind of pissed that you lost it to a guy. You're straight for fucks sake….or at least you think so…

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you are now really starting to question your sexuality.

Sollux is ho- somewhat good looking, he has short dirty blonde hair, one blue eye, one dark brown eye, you think he's like Chinese, or Japanese, or Korean, okay, truthfully, you had no idea his nationality, you just knew he was Asian. Sollux also had this lisp that you found so fucking sex- you mean, it was the most annoying thing on the whole planet and…okay, you had a crush on him.

You always had sworn you were straight and then along comes this asshole, he takes your virginity, makes you practically fall in love with him, changes your sexuality, and what do you have to show for it? Nothing! All you get is a leading movie role that might make your career, okay, that is pretty good.

"Hey, KK," Sollux says snapping you out of your thoughts "I was wondering if you wanted that, I mean a lot of guys try to do what you did, and I don't usually do it… usually I just give it to them for a blowjob, but fuck, KK, you were just so hot and I…shit I should just shut up."

You look up at him in utter confusion, did he really just tell you that you're the first one he's fucked for a part in a movie? Great, you're probably the only one who's ever tried that too so he's going to tell all of his friends that you're a great fuck and you'll let them shove their dick up your ass for a part in a fucking movie.

"So, do you maybe want to get dinner tonight?" He asked. You weren't sure if you should be excited or horrified, maybe you really did have feelings for Sollux.


	2. Chapter 2

"Yeah," you say with a smile. "A dinner date would be great."

Sollux smiled back at you. He really was attractive, why wouldn't you want to go on a date with him?

His cell phone rang and he reached over to grab it. "Really? Now? Fuck, dude, I'm with someone, can't you wait for another few hours? Hey, I'm aloud to sleep with whoever I want, and you know it. That doesn't mean I did! Fuck off, Strider." He slammed his phone shut. "God, he thinks just because he's the fucking producer he can control my whole fucking life, doesn't he? Well I don't fucking work for him, I work for the studio. I won't lose my job because of him, so he should just shut up. You're way more important than his casting issue." Sollux told you, you could tell he was pissed, you didn't really see why, but you figured he had a reason.

After a moment his words seemed to sink in. "I need to go, casting issues are my problem." Sollux sighed and started to sit up. You sat up with him because there was no way in hell that you were going to lay on his bed until he got back, anyway, you needed to have a stern talking to with your manager. Maybe you could even tell him that you got a date with Sollux, apparently, not many people have won a date with the allusive Solluxander Captor.

You got out of bed and started putting on your clothes from the night before, you had hoped you would get a chance to wash your clothes before you had to go, especially since your shirt was covered in a sticky white reminder of your adventures the night before.

Sollux noticed you staring in utter disgust at your shirt "Leave it here, I'll get it dry cleaned and bring it to you later in the week."

"I need a shirt," you reminded him. "I can't just go out in public without a shirt on."

He threw you a shirt. It actually looked somewhat okay, it wasn't totally your style, but you could survive the day wearing it, or at least until you got home… no, you were defiantly wear it all day, maybe not till your date later, but at least for the rest of the day. Fuck, you really were in love with that prick, weren't you? Great, just great, why wouldn't you love a chance to fall completely head over heels for the casting director of the movie you're staring in?

"Hey, Captor, what's this movie even about?" you ask as the two of you finish getting dressed.

"It's some shitty romcom about this made up planet called Alternia. You're going to play the main troll guy, oh, by the way your lover is supposed to be a guy, I hope you're okay with that." He smirks and holds the door to his bedroom open for you.

"Yeah, that's fine I guess, but isn't there supposed to be some weird shit with a bunch of different romances or something?" you ask exiting the room. You walk into the hall and once again are taken back by how beautiful the whole house looks. Stupid rich guys.

"KK, dude, I'm just the casting director, I haven't once read the script, I just know enough to brief the people auditioning what they're getting into."

You nod, although it sounds like fun to paint yourself grey and walk around set being grey and wearing fake horns, you aren't really sure about having a guy for an onset lover. On the bright side, as far as you know, there aren't any sex scenes in this movie now that would be too much. There's a glimmer of hope that instead of ending up with some random ass douche you ended up with Sollux.

Obviously, that wouldn't happen. This isn't like the plays or student made videos you were part of in middle and high school, this was the big times, they were professional. You would be assigned to your job, and stick to it. Anyways, who knows, maybe the person you end up with will be pretty nice; maybe the two of you can go out and get some drinks or go to a movie, whatever you feel like doing in the moment. No, that wouldn't happen either, the guy you get paired up with will probably be one of those annoying glimmer gay guys who are all caught up on their appearance.

At least you weren't like that, well, you weren't even gay so how could you be? Wait, maybe you were gay…great and here comes another round of "What the fuck is my sexuality?

_A number of years ago_

_You're five years old and you're on the playground at your school. You were by yourself, like usual…no, that's a lie, most days you were with your older brother, Kankri. He wasn't here today, laryngitis, so you were alone._

_"Want to plaaaaaaaay with us, Karkat?" Vriska asked you._

_You want to say yes, but you know Kankri will get mad. Although you do hate him most of the time, he is pretty much the only one in the family who actually cares about you. Your father has a secret job, he won't tell you what it is, and your mother died when you were born; your dad has always resented you a little bit for that._

_Playing with Vriska was one hundred percent against Kankri's rules. "She's dangerous." He would always say. Maybe she was, you heard her games had hurt a boy in your class named Tavros!_

_You shake your head no and she shrugs and goes back to play with her friends._

_"Good choithe." A boy beside you says. You don't remember ever meeting his before! He's wearing glasses like you get at the movies. This boy was silly. "My nameth Tholuks, what'th yourth?" he asked. Tholuks spoke funny and you laughed a bit._

_"Tholluks? That's a weird name, I'm Karkat." You said proudly._

_"I have a lithp, thtupid head, anyway, what kind of name ith Karkat? You mutht be the only Karkat in Canada." He snickered._

_"What's wrong with that? Kankri says it makes me special!"_

_"Thure it doeth."_

_You rolled your eyes at him. Tholluks shouldn't be so rude to you, especially with his stupid lithp. Maybe you'll ask Kankri what a lithp is later._

_Just then, Tholluks got it in the head with a soccer ball. You could see tears forming through his movie glasses. He was trying hard not to cry. He wanted to prove that he was strong, that he could handle the pain. He really couldn't and soon the tears were trying to run away from his eyes._

_You lean over and kiss his lips. You hold yourself there for a long time, at least a minute, and he doesn't pull away so you know the kissing magic is working on him! Eventually you pull away. "Kankri said that kissing someone makes all there ouchies go away, did it work?" you ask hopefully._

_He nodded "Thankth, Karkat, that wath very nithe of you."_


	3. Chapter 3

"This is Eridan, he'll be your on screen partner." The director told you. You just nod, you don't really give a shit about who he is, you just know that he looks like he's going to be a major douche.

Eridan was dressed casually, and he was as hipster as someone could be. He had those annoying glasses that probably did nothing for his eyesight, he wore a purple and blue checkered scarf, and striped blue and black skinny jeans. He has dark brown hair with a purple streak running through it; maybe other people would find him hot, but you just thought he looked like a dick.

"Am I really w-workin' w-with an albino midget?" He asked Dirk, the director.

Yup, this Eridan guy really was as much as a total douche as he looks.

"I'm not a midget, I'm five foot six, for your information." You snapped "Anyway, at least I don't have an annoying-as-fuck stutter."

Eridan rolled his eyes. God, you were a pretty great actor, but could you really act like you love him?

"Be nice, Eridan, he'll be covered in grey makeup and he'll be wearing a black wig throughout the whole movie so maybe he'll look a bit cute." The douche's manger said happily

"But, Fef." Eridan whined

"Oh, Eridan, just give him a glubbing chance! Do you know how hard it was to get you in here?" You weren't sure if Eridan's manager was angry or not. Well, if she was angry, she still seemed kind of happy.  
Eridan sighed and started examining his nails "Fine, I'm Eridan Ampora, an' I'm goin' to be your co-star. I'll appear w-with you for publicity shots an' other things like that but I w-will not go on a date w-with you." He glanced up at you. "Not like you'd be w-worthy of it. So-"

" What the hell is that supposed to mean?" You interupt glaring at Eridan. Wasn't he told to be nice? This isn't really nice in your books.

"I'm straight," he tells you as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"But you have to play a ga-"

"It's called actin', Kar, I w-would think you w-would at least know-w a bit about it seein' how-w you got the leadin' part in this mowie."

"I know what acting is, fucktard, and did you just say mowie?"

He glares at you. "It's my accent, Kar, seriously, do you not know-w anythin' about anythin'?"

"Fuck you" you say walking away to go find Sollux. It's been about a week and a half since you slept with him for the part, and by now you're pretty sure you're in love with the dude; obviously you'd never tell him that though...or at least not yet. If romcoms and life have taught you anything it's not to say "I love you" to soon.

_A number of years earlier_

_You are now ten years old and you have declared Tholluks your boyfriend, the only problem is, his friend Aradia also decided to have him as a boyfriend._

_You're old enough now that Tholluks' super religious grandmother has convinced him that being with another boy is a sin. She told him that the only exception were his fathers but even then, they were both going to burn in hell._

_So you're out of luck with Tholluks._

_Today you're sitting with your brother again. You have been doing it a lot more lately now that Tholluks hangs out with Aradia and Aradia hangs out with Vriska and you are still not aloud to hang out with that stupid bitch_

_Oops, you mean that big meanie._

_Kankri doesn't like you swearing._

_You tell Kankri about your problems with Tholluks a lot, Kankri always tells you that you should pronounce his name "Sollux" but you don't. listen._

_Kankri also tells you that you won't go to hell for liking a boy. He tells you that although some people may say you will, you really shouldn't worry about it._

_One day there's an accident. You aren't really sure what happened, but the next day Vriska, Tholluks, Aradia, and Tavros don't show up for school. Your teacher tells you that Aradia had died. You can't believe it, you want to know what happened so at lunch you ask Kankri._

_Vriska's sister is one of his only friends, actually, you think she likes him; but that doesn't matter._

_Apparently, Vriska had been expelled from school, Tavros was in a wheelchair, Aradia's dead, and Tholluks is in a mental hospital._


	4. Chapter 4

"How's my soon to be star?" Sollux asks wrapping his arm around your waist in a hug.

You hug him back, then stand on your tip toes to place a soft kiss on his lips. "I'm doing fine, how's your job going?"

"Boring ath fuck, I'd rather be acting with fith dick than thpending my time here doing nothing." He tells you, you can tell that he's pissed, his lisp is a lot more noticeable when he's pissed at something. "By the way, are you still coming over tonight?"

You nod "I wouldn't miss it for the world, you should know that."

"Well maybe I'm jealous that you'll be spending all your time with Ampora." He mutters looking away.

You laugh at that. "Dude, he's straight, I'm pretty sure he's fucking his manager, you have nothing to worry about."

"Yeah, well you were apparently straight before you met me. All things change, KK, maybe you'll end up falling deeply in love with Eridan and you'll leave me."

You kiss him. "I was in love with some guy throughout elementary school, until he…" You look away, you don't want to think about him anymore, he's probably locked away in a nice padded cell talking about her to everyone that walks into the room. God dammit, you hated him with a passion just for leaving you alone at the school…not that you would have stayed there that much longer anyway.

Sollux gives you a reassuring smile, he tries not to bring up the guy he doesn't even know the name of very often. He knows doing so makes you upset. He figures you'll tell him when you're ready; that's something that will never happen.

"Anyway, you're the only one I could ever fall madly in love with, I promise." You give him a fake smile and kiss him. You don't want him to worry about your almost lover from grades one through six; anyway, he might get jealous if you keep talking about him. Even if you don't remember the name of the kid anymore, your boyfriend got jealous pretty easily when other guys were involved.

"I'm happy to hear that, now get back to work, I'll see you in a few hours." He kisses you happily, and you kiss back. You don't want to pull away from him, you hate Eridan with your guts and you know that if you go back to him, you won't be able to get away from him for at least a few hours.

"W-wow-w, Kar, I can't beliwe it." A voice that sounded way to familiar said from behind you. Your eyes shoot open, and you pull away, quickly turning to face Eridan.

"It's not what it looks like!" You protest. He'll be able to figure out that you're dating Sollux in a second with the tone of voice you used. God, you are screwed!

"I can't beliwe that this studio w-would be so unprofessional an' only hire you because you're fuckin' the castin' director."

"I'm not with him! I swear! I only kissed him because I've never kissed a guy before and I wasn't sure if I could do it." You look over to Sollux for help and he looks hurt. Great, you just broke your boyfriend's heart with a lie. FUCK! You should just sew your mouth shut like your manager's brother did. Maybe then you would learn how to your trap.

"If that'th how you feel about it, then we're over." Sollux said angrily. He stormed away, not looking back.

…Fuck, you ruined one of the best relationships you've ever had.

_A number of years earlier_

_You are now fourteen years old, and you are standing in front of your house for the last time. It's cold outside, minus ten degrees, but you don't mind the fact that you aren't wearing a jacket, you want to feel the cold winter's air once more before you move to a place with only one season._

_You wonder what it will be like moving to a new country at this age, you'll have to learn their history, their unit of measurements, and you need to make sure to get sick less. Your dad said that unless his new job offers medical, trips to the doctor will be cut down a lot. There's no free medical offered in America._

_You don't want to move really, leave behind the friends you ha- who are you kidding, you don't have any friends. You're alone in Canada, and one of the only reasons you're moving is so that you can get away from all those people who you've known since grade one._

_The few people you have actually talked to since "the accident" are people you hate with a passion. Especially, Vriska, who ended up being in your middle school; you hate her more than anything else on the planet. She's always talking about her boyfriend, John Eggbut…or something like that. She's never met the kid, apparently he lives in America. But she's seen him through Skype calls, and apparently he's attractive. Well, she finds him hot, you don't see what's so great about this buck toothed asshat._

_Sometimes she also brings up Sollux and Aradia. She does it just to piss you off, and you know it! She knew you were madly in love with the boy and that him being sent away hurt you more than it hurt anyone else. By now, most of your friends don't really think of that day, why would they, it was a horrible day! Who wants to think about murdering a friend, or becoming paralyzed; who spends their hours thinking of losing an arm or becoming blind? No one, that's who._

_You still aren't entirely sure about what happened that day, all you are have been told is Sollux was the lucky one. He was the one who ended up the least hurt out of all of them. You were told that he's lucky he was sent away, he doesn't need to live with the pain that they all go through every day, but you aren't so sure if that's true._  
_One of the other reasons you're moving is because your dad fell in love with this girl he met on a trip to LA two years ago. The distance has been a strain on their relationship, and they only see each other in person about five weekends a year. She's nice, as far as you can tell, she seems very motherly and you like that. You haven't really had a mother figure since your birth mother ran away with another man when you were young._

_You sigh as you look at your house for the last time. You won't be back to Canada, there's no way you can do that! You have dreams, you'll become an actor and star in all of those romcoms that you've been into._

_But first, you need to get a manager. You're dad has agreed to pay for one if you promise to pay him back as soon as you get your first movie job. That's an easy promise that you'll be sure to keep._

Back to the present.

You can hardly concentrate on your lines as you try to memorize them. It's hard, trying to memorize lines where your character is telling Eridan's character how much he loves him, while you sit there with a broken heart.

You've left Sollux twenty two messages, and two thousand two hundred and twenty two texts. You hope he's appreciating the effort you're putting in to make sure your meeting the criteria of his weird ass duality fetish.

It doesn't matter what you do, he probably hates you now anyway. Whatever, you'll win him back soon…hopefully.


	5. Chapter 5

"No, it's not true." You whisper as tears start to well up in your eyes. "It can't be true."

Eridan nodded once not meeting your gaze "I'm so sorry," his voice didn't crack once, and you felt a twinge of jealousy, he was actually a great actor; unlike you.

"I-I don't know if I can forgive you."

"Please, Sar, just forget about her. It wasn't my fault an' I will do whatever I can to make you happy again."

You look up to him, blood red tears stain your cheeks, and you can't do anything other than grab his shirt and pull him into a kiss.

"AND CUT!" The director yells, and you pull away from the kiss.

You have to fight the urge to frantically wipe your hand across your lips; you didn't want to seem immature in front of Eridan.

You hadn't spoken to Sollux in much longer than you'd like to admit. At first it was because he wouldn't reply to your messages, but after a few weeks of rehearsals you realized that you were going to be much too tired to go on dates with him. Whatever, it wasn't like he even tried half the time. He had other things he had to do, and surprisingly, you didn't see him very much at the studio. You guys were probably broken up by now, he ignored al your messages and now he acted like you were just another cast member.

When you asked your manager slash best friend, Gamzee, what you should do about Sol he just shrugged. "Show him how much of a motherfucking miracle you are."

What a great suggestion! Obviously Sollux won't be able to resist your perfection if you show him that you are a motherfucking miracle! That is obviously how it works in the real world, isn't it.

Maybe you could talk to Eridan about it; the two of you were getting along better now than you had to begin with.

"Hey, Ampora." You call walking towards him. He looks up from his texting, stupid hipster, always on his phone.

"What is it, Kar? Mee is tellin' me about how Por an' Cro broke up last week, an' they've both slept with about fifty people since." He says.

You roll your eyes, you can't understand why Eridan is always so into drama. It's just weird! "I need help winning Sollux back." You tell him.

"What happened?" He asked, of course he was going to play innocent.

"You know exactly what happened." Your words come out like growls; at least they cause Eridan to back off.

"Oh, right…why don't you win him back with jealousy?" That was a good idea, surprisingly, but you had no idea who would date you when they knew you only wanted someone so you can win back your pathetic excuse for a boyfriend.

"I would, of course, be your fake boyfriend." He said answering your mental question.

Something didn't seem right. "What about your girlfriend?"

"Oh, um, me an' Fef got into a fight a few days ago an' she thinks it would be best if we take a break for a little while."

"Great, you're hired."

**Be Sollux **

_Sollux's childhood._

_It's very white, everything was white. White clothes, white furniture, white walls, white doctors, all you can remember from your childhood is white. Oh, and Aradia. You remember killing her; you remember the scream she made as the knife plunged into her chest._

_You, Vriska, Tavros, Aradia and Terezi were playing a game, just a game, that's all it was, she wasn't supposed to get hurt…no one was._

_"Let's play….murder." Vriska suggested. Everyone agreed, you should have disagreed; it's all your fault for not saying no._

_She handed you the knife. Oh god, why did she hand it to you? It wasn't fair!_

_"Use this, and kill Aradia." It wasn't a choice, it was an order. "Stab her!"_

_You shake your head, you know this is wrong, Vriska's mom may not have told her not to play with knifes, but you knew not to._

_"It doesn't hurt, Silly, see?" the knife is taken from you and it's blade is dug into her arm. You close your eyes and refuse to look at the blood, Vriska was crazy!_

_"I can play dead." Aradia suggested lying down on the ground._

_"If you don't kill her, I'll push Tavros off the roof." She told you as she handed the knife back to you._

_"No you won't! I'll tell if you do." Terezi told Vriska matter of factly._

_"Oh yeah? Watch me."_

_The next thing you knew, Tavros was falling. You couldn't bring yourself to make sure Tavros wasn't dead; most of the others probably couldn't either._

_"Fine, I'll kill her then!"_

_After that, everything was white._


	6. Chapter 6

"I don't really w-want to act anymore, Kar." Eridan confides in you one day. "I kinda w-wanna do make-up" He seems embarrassed about what he said but you offer him a comforting smile.

"You know you have to go to school to do that." You tell him.

He looks away blushing quite a bit "I already have"

That took you by surprise; Eridan seemed like the kind of person that would have worked to being an actor since he was a small child; one of those people who are forced into it by their parent's maybe.

"I've always wanted to do makeup, but my dad told me I can't. My brother, Cro, is already transgender an' my dad said that there can only be one weirdo in the family; he said we are a family with too much influence to go around doin' weird things." Eridan sighed sadly and looked down. "W-we have rules, Kar; me an' Cro can't do anythin' that would embarrass the family. He said if Cro is goin' to dress as a guy instead as a girl, he has to wear girl clothes to anythin' important. Dad w-won't let us date who w-we w-want either, Cro can't date girls. My dad says "She's just experimentin' with who she is. She can cut her hair and dress as a boy, but no child of mine will date someone of the same gender." I don't w-want to have him tell me who to date, I love Fef, but her an' I are two different people, w-we only stay together because of our families."

By now, tears were rolling down Eridan's cheeks. "He said "make-up is for girls" an' now he won't let me be a make-up artist. I hate him so much, Kar, I try to do everythin' to make him proud, he's my dad, I w-want to be just like him. Everyone looks up to him, I w-want them to look up to me too. He w-was a famous actor, I w-wanna be one too!"

It had never occurred to you that Eridan's father was famous, but now that you thought about it, you're co-star did look a lot like a younger version of the action movie star known only as "Dualscar". You don't really care about him, but from what you've heard, around the end of his career he said something along the lines of "Guys don't kiss each other, and if you think I'm going to kiss English, you've got another thing coming." The director wouldn't take that from Dualscar, even if he was hugely famous, and fired Dualscar. He's now well known as a past star that somehow ends up in the news from time to time.

"Isn't he to young?" you asked. As far as you knew, Dualscar was only in his early thirties, he couldn't have a son Eridan's age along with another five years older.

"If you're thinkin' Dualscar, he isn't my father; he's another one of my brothers. My dad owns this studio, there is a reason it's called "Ampora Studio's" you know-w."

"Oh…" you are probably about to say something smart, but you get distracted when a familiar tall, anorexic Asian walks by.

"Hey, ED" He says completely ignoring you.

"Oh, hello, Sol; did you have fun last night?" Now Eridan was acting as if you weren't even there.

"More fun than I've had in ages." Sollux's lips curl into his after-sex-smirk and you know they fucked.

"I need to go, bye Eridan…bye Sol…" You get to the bathroom just in time for the tears to start rolling down your cheeks. You have lost Sollux to Eridan, that's all there is to it. You'll never get your sweet, loving, perfect boyfriend back. Now Eridan has him and that's how it'll stay.

At least Sollux found someone he loved, that's all that matters, right? As long as he was happy what else mattered? Who cared if you got hurt? You haven't even spoken to Sollux for weeks, of course he would move on.

The bathroom door is pushed open and you see Sollux. "There you are, there was something I needed to ask yo- woah, are you crying?" His arms are wrapped around your waist in a second, and you rest your head on his chest. You can't help but cry harder. You seriously loved him, yet here he is, dropping you to be with someone else. "Tell me what's wrong." His voice is a low whisper.

"Y-you l-love him…y-you don't c-care about me, a-and you never will!" You are so pathetic; did those words seriously come out of your mouth? Are you seriously crying because Sollux doesn't want to be with you? You are a useless piece of shit, no wonder Sollux dumped you.

"What? Dude, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't love him, I only love y-no one, I don't want to be with you anymore, KK. I…I just can't." His arms drop from around you and he backs up a few steps. You could have sworn you heard him whisper "I can't hurt you like I hurt her…" before he ran out of the room.


	7. Chapter 7

"So are w-we still doin' your fake boyfriend thing?" Eridan asked.

"If you want, I don't fucking care, he doesn't want to be with me anyway." It's been a week; you have no idea why you're still so upset about it. You knew it was over forever ago, but maybe you just couldn't accept that the guy you were so in love with didn't want to be with you anymore.

"W-well, I w-was kinda' hopin' that it w-wasn't so fake anymore…" He mumbled.

You look at him in utter confusion "What do you mean, do you want to actually go out with me?" No, no, no, Karkat, stop being an idiot, and just say no. You are not ready to date someone new yet, especially the actor who plays your "mateprit" or whatever the word is. Although, a lot of on stage couples end up dating in real life. Apparently, it makes it seem a lot more real.

"W-well maybe just one date. It w-wouldn't be so bad, right?"

"Yeah, I guess one date would be fun." You smiled at him a little bit. You had to remind yourself that this wasn't to get back at Sollux, you were doing this because you wanted to do this…well, at least you thought it was.

"Great, I can't w-wait, how-w about tonight at eight?"

"Sounds like a plan."

_**Be Sollux -**_

_"AA, I'm so, so, so sorry. Please forgive me" you whisper_

_"I do forgive you, Sollux, it wasn't your fault, it was mine." She replies. In the corner of your room, a white shadow with a red outline speaks as if she's Aradia. No, not "as if" she is Aradia. You know she is, she knows she is, she's a living, breathing Aradia, floating in your room. She's always there; she always talks to you as well. The medicine they give you is supposed to make it impossible for you to see her and speak to her, but you do! She has to be real if you can see her._

_Suddenly Aradia's mood changes. "WHY WOULD I FORGIVE YOU, SOLLUX?!" she screams. Her face twists into one full of anger; she wants you dead, just like she is. "YOU MURDERED ME, CAUSED ME THIS PAIN I NOW FEEL. YOU DESERVE TO BE DEAD, NOT ME, YOU!"_

_You scream, as she pushes you towards a wall. Her hands are around your neck and you can't breathe. You're chocking now, but you don't care. You deserve to die, you have to die. Death is a great thing to happen. It gets you out of this white prison. Somehow you're finding the air to scream, where is this air coming from? You shouldn't be screaming, people who want to die don't scream!_

_Her hands tighten around your neck and you feel her finger nails sink into your skin. Good, death will be coming sooner._

_You hold the small amount of breath you have left; it'll be a great idea to help the one killing you._

_Suddenly, the door slams open beside you. Three people in white burst in, and push you to the floor, why are they doing that? AA's still attacking you, let her finish let her-_

_Something is jabbed into your arm causing the world to go black._

_You aren't dead, not even close to it. The doctors said you tried to kill yourself, but you didn't. Why would you try to kill yourself? They tell you that Aradia's dead, they promise that you did nothing to her, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner they can let you out._

_They were lying though, you did murder her, it was your fault and you need to be punished for it. You deserve the confinement of the white prison; better yet, you deserve death. You deserve to be chained to a wall and starved; you deserved to be beaten to death. Why won't these people in white understand that? Why do they insist that you didn't do anything? Why do they insist on telling you AA's not attacking you? What's wrong with them? What's wrong with you? This was a mistake, falling for AA was a mistake, and leaving that one boy was a mistake. Being alive is a mistake…_


End file.
